🔥Winning in Life. The Power of Communication.

A lot of people think that if they take, they win.

But this is further from the truth.

To win in life, you need to give.

But to give, without being taken advantage of, you need to learn to communicate.

Communicating interests, desires and boundaries in a respectful manner.

This will help:

• Your romantic relationships and friendships
• Your professional relationships and associated earnings
• Your overall happiness and satisfaction in life

Effective Communication in (Professional) Relationships.

In many cases, people want a different outcome, but they lack the communicative skills to negotiate so that both parties leave with the desired result.

There is this great example of two kids arguing about an orange. The story goes like this:

"Two children both want the same orange. They start arguing because each insists they need the whole orange.

An adult intervenes and asks why they want it:

• Child 1: wants the peel to bake a cake (for zest).
• Child 2: wants the fruit inside to eat.

If the adult had simply split the orange in half, each child would only get half of what they actually needed.

But once the real interests are understood:

• Child 1 gets all the peel
• Child 2 gets all the fruit

Both get 100% of what they wanted.""

The example is often associated with negotiation theory.

Many people focus only on positions, not on interests.

The story illustrates:

• Position: the stated demand
• Interest: the underlying reason or need behind the demand

The main issue is that there is a winner and a loser.

One will feel superior, and the other will feel diminished. That's not a good outcome in professional relationships, and especially not in romantic relationships. I mean, you love your partner, so you don't want them to lose. Ideally, you want both of you to be happy.

In effective communications, you explore both parties' interests and create a win-win solution.

Givers and Takers.

There are 3-4 types of people:

1. The narcissist: Who is only taking and never giving. They might win in the beginning, but always lose at the end.
2. The people-pleaser: Who is always giving, but never receiving. They lose all the time.
3. The trader: Who keeps an equilibrium. But do not take any action; they just respond. (So, I keep the trader out for this example.)
4. The giver or a recovered people-pleaser: Who gives first and receives later.

1) The Narcissist.

The narcissist is a ruthless taker.

They gain status, money, fame and superiority at the cost of others.

They might get to the top, but will feel empty, lonely, and depressed.

They win all the time in the beginning. This gives them the illusion that their path is the right one, until the card house collapses.

They turn into a "monster".

2) The People-Pleaser.

The people-pleaser is loved by others.

They gain a lot of "honour" by helping others, and are always seen as the ones with integrity.

But the people-pleaser is "dying inside". Everything they desire is pushed down until the resentment becomes unbearable. They don't realize they lose trust and respect by not saying no and by not protecting their boundaries.

3) The Giver or A Recovered People-Pleaser.

A giver, or a recovered people-pleaser, gives first and "invests" in the other person. They might lose sometimes, but every loss is a learning experience towards more future wins.

They learn more and more social behaviours, to understand where to "invest".

They are going to win big:

• Reliable friendships and relationships.
• Reliable and steady income streams.

Overall, a life worth living, full of trust, warmth and love.

They might suffer a lot in the beginning. They might have hit rock bottom. They might have thought they would never get out of a rut.

But every failure, misstep or pain was the guiding light towards the path of light, away from the path of pain.

They played their cards right, even through times of anxiety and the unknown.

Make the other person win. (The Strategic Giver)

But you don't want to be used or want to be a people-pleaser.

I am, for example, a people pleaser on the journey of "recovery".

You want and should protect your "boundaries", have restrictions or rules.

You see this in every business or company.

• Free trials, but with an attached credit card
• 90-day money-back guarantees
• Legal terms, NDA's, etc.

These boundaries, restrictions or rules are there to protect both parties.

This allows you to invest in someone while also protecting yourself.

There are more and more people getting higher on the narcissistic spectrum due to social media, the internet, "individualism", society, etc.

Our modern social environments heavily strengthen these traits. Based on data and research, narcissism has already gone up from 2% to ~ 5% (discussed in a previous newsletter).

Meaning you need these boundaries, restrictions or rules more and more, either in relationships, family dynamics or even in business/professional relationships.

What can you do about it?

→ Be a strategic giver.

Invest first to get a "higher paycheck" later.

Think about a startup and shared equity.

Most people invest in the stock market and buy 0.0001% of a company or bitcoin.

That's a very slow way to get rich.

And very few people (less than 1%) hold equity in companies, also called investors, and they didn't become rich through trading.

I mean, how can you trade with money if you don't have money?

Most of them have had companies before, built wealth and then became investors.

→ You don't receive equity if you don't invest first.

• You invest time
• You invest skills
• You invest energy
• You invest resources

This holds true in business and romantic relationships.

Many people want money, attention, or resources first, before making an initial investment.

That's NOT how it works.

You strategically evaluate whether the business or your partner has the value, drive, and potential to give you a high "paycheck" in the future.

You strategically place an investment, share skills, resources, energy, attention, emotions, etc., for a couple of years, in some cases this can take up to 5-10 years, to get more equity and receive the "high paycheck" later.

The thing you need to focus on is becoming better at evaluating whether the business or partner is worth the investment. This can only be determined through communication, shared values, emotional intelligence, analysis, support, etc.

Thanks for reading.

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See you on Wednesday!

Jeff

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