I was the guy who always had everything under control.

Until I didn’t.

For 24 years, everything I did always kinda worked out and went smoothly enough, I would say.

I travelled to over 30 countries, ran a photography business that paid me 100€ per hour, had a startup with 21 that made 300.000€ in revenue in the first year, consulted a Swiss startup afterwards and got paid 50€ per hour to build systems in front of a computer. At the end, I moved to Bali in 2023. (I am half Chindo. That’s Chinese “immigrants” in Indonesia.)

While being in Bali and having the best time of my life, literally. Until I got a message on my phone: “Dad has less than a week to live.”

On the same night, I took an airplane home to Germany, but arrived 18 hours late to his last breath...

I was left with grief, no income, no job/business, no financial net and living back with my mum.

This circumstance took 2 years, and for me, it was pure rock bottom.

And after that, my entire life has shifted in just two months, because of one major decision.

It went from rock bottom, with no confidence in myself, no safety net and no financial foundation, into a life of freedom, purpose and fulfillment.

My life literally shifted in one day.

Here’s how I got there and how you can change your circumstances.

0) Where I was before.

My life situation was really bad. Like REALLY bad.

Not only did my dad pass away, which is already a difficult situation, but this was also just the beginning.

My dad was my protection and shield from all this hate, negativity and emotional violation in my own family. I didn’t understand how bad it was before he passed away, but that’s what I experienced afterwards.

I was always trying not to share this story too much, either to my audience during this time or to my friends. As I said, I never struggled before, so I was really bad at accepting and sharing my circumstances. I also didn’t want to bring negativity or bad vibes to any of my friends, so I kept it to myself. Simultaneously, I was trying to build a new business. But yes, I suffered hugely. My neck was so tight (due to my nervous system) that I got a chronic injury from that. That remained for months, and I can still feel it to this day. This was putting me off work, and work was the only thing that could have brought me out of the situation.

I was the middle person, where emotional violation, hate and gossiping were transacted. Every negative thought, either from my two sisters, my mum or even the husband of my one sister, they all texted me, talked to me, gossiped to me about the others, and I was always in the middle, just trying to fix my own problems as a 24/25 year old. But I couldn’t, because I was constantly distracted by them. Their negative thoughts, their violent language, their constant gossiping, their huge emotional dysregulation, their lack of accountability and their life without any agency.

Before this happened to me, it happened to my dad. My dad passed away due to a heart problem (makes sense, right?). All this emotional manipulation, the years of walking on eggshells, the things he didn’t want to do but was forced to, and all these things “manifested” in the heart and nervous system. The heart gets heavy, and after years and decades, it “falls apart”, so he passed away.

After he passed away, it all fell on me. My family had full control over my life. Why? Because I had no job at this time, no business, no income, no money, no degree, no savings, nothing. As I said, I was literally at rock bottom, and was not even able to live alone and in peace….

My dad helped me all these years; he provided a car, food and groceries, protected me from negativity, never gossiped much, and took the majority of my mum's aggression and emotional outbursts, so my sisters and I were protected. (My mum is not an evil person, I think she just emotionally unregulated, traumatized and just doesn’t take much agency about her own emotions and decisions, which is in some way a victim and persecutor mindset.) I don’t know if she is narcissistic or just patterns that developed over the years. (Because only 1-2% of the population is clinically diagnosed as narcissists, and overall, 1-4% are part of the dark triad. The rest are patterns and drama triangles)

(I still love my mum and my family, but I try to maintain boundaries.)

I hope I was able to visualize some parts of how shit my circumstances were before. Since I fully left this environment, I don’t have much anxiety anymore, literally close to zero negative thoughts and don’t gossip anymore. Overall, my life feels much more aligned with the future I envision.

Talking about negative thoughts: there are two things that are important with negative/lingering thoughts:

1. Is your environment triggering your thoughts?
2. Or your mind itself?

1) Have a clear mental image of the life you want to live.

Without knowing where you want to go, you are just tapping in the dark, in the hope that you are going to find a light switch.

To achieve a certain outcome, you need pure clarity on what this outcome should look like.

You probably have used AI before:

“What happens when you write unclear or loose?”

Clarity is the most important thing you are striving towards.

Solution: How to improve clarity?

You either need to improve your mental imagery skills or learn them through creativity.

It’s like playing Lego or Minecraft.

A kid has a clear image before they build something, or the image is clarified as they build.

Same with Minecraft.

You have an idea in your mind, and you start building it. The more you build, the more ideas come to mind and the clearer your mental image becomes.

Everyone has been a kid before, so that skill exists within you. It might just be hidden beneath mental noise.

If you want something more practical, this design thinking prompt, based on Dave Evans from Stanford, helped me a lot:

👉 Design Thinking Prompt​

2) Make plans like an adult and believe in them like a child.

Plan and design your life in advance.

• Have a 10-year goal.
• Have a 3-year goal.
• Have a 1-year goal.
• Have a 3-month goal.

And write it all down, even visualize it as a moodboard.

Include images of your future house designs, and the places you might consider to live. Is it Vancouver, Canada; Sydney, Australia; Bali, Indonesia; Koh Phangan, Thailand? Is it near a lake, an ocean or mountains? Is the house made of wood, stone or full glass and metal? How many kids do you want to have, and how should your day-to-day life feel? What car do you want to drive, a Porsche, Mercedes or Ferrari?

Put images into this moodboard. Include a price tag and figure out a strategy for affording this lifestyle.

And from there on, from this clear mental image, you reverse engineer, until you know your 3-month focus goal. (That’s what I call The 90-Day Challenge)

This is not a permanent board; it is agile and flexible. Things can move around, plans can change, but you need a clear direction where you are heading.

Solution: Make plan A and ONLY plan A.

If you make a plan B, you think like an adult, not like a child.

Whatever the kid wants is his only focus.

If he wants food, he gets food.

If he wants milk, he gets milk.

If he wants to play, he plays.

If you really want it, you DON’T make a plan B.

3) Show courage and wrestle with the angel.

If you have no idea who Jacob is, he is the ancestor of Jesus Christ.

Whatever you want in life, you need to hold tight. So tight that even if you grab on to an angel, even if he flies up to the sky, as high as the sun, you hold tight.

If you struggle with anxiety, hold tight to the angel of courage.

If you struggle with addiction, hold tight to the angel of temperance.

If you struggle with depression, hold tight to the angel of hope.

You have no other choice. You either die or receive the angel's blessing.

4) Believe in Miracles. They exist.

From someone who struggled over 2 years, from the passing of my dad, my financial losses from building a startup, from literally hitting rock bottom, from years of being in the lonely chapter, from grinding hours without seeing any results, from failing at school (I really didn’t pass my final exams and didn’t achieve the degree), from multiple tendon issues because of my tight nervous system, from the feeling of no hope….

I made it out of the situation.

It was a miracle.

But miracles just don’t happen randomly.

4.5) How do miracles happen?

If you are in a really shitty position, like mine, maybe even worse,

You need to do certain actions to obtain the “blessing”.

You need to do the uncomfortable work and tolerate it for a really long time.

The daily work, the daily action, the daily prayer, the daily learning. This is what everyone is telling you: Be disciplined and consistent. But it’s not just a few months; it can take 2 years.

It did for me.

The universe will repay you if you remain consistent and disciplined. To be even more extreme, you kinda need to be obsessed, but remain kind to others, no matter how bad your situation is.

The thing is, you don’t decide when this will happen.

Thanks for reading.

👉 Have you experienced rock bottom? Reply and share it. I read every single message.

Hold tight.

Jeff

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